A Most Unlikely Avenger
by NeonZangetsu
Summary: What is an Avenger? Someone who fights? One who rights wrongs? By the logic, one could say I've avenged many. My parents. My family. My friends. In the eyes of the people I was their savior, yet also an avenger. Someone who couldn't find a way to die...one who broke his promise...now fighting on the front lines for humanity. Who would've thought? Narutoxharem. Humor ahoy!
1. A Most Unlikely Avenger

**A/N: Fine, fine, fine!**

**Everyone wanted a serious NarutoxChaldea story so here it is! Not My Chaldea is its own beast of course, meant to be more humorous and a crack ficlet than most, but this far more serious. Oh, it'll have its moments of levity and zany brilliance of course, but I wanted to write something that served as a balance between the two; not grim and dark, yet not a crack fic either. ****This Naruto draws parallels to Scathach, but to say any more would delve into spoilers, so do read on~!**

**As far as the timeline goes, it ought to be obvious.**

**Now then, I proudly present to you...**

**...A Most Unlikely Avenger!**

**And YES, there's a Prisma Illya story with a Naruto/Archer variant story coming eventually too!**

**A Most Unlikely Berserker will be updated soon as well~!**

_...are you sure you're an Avenger?"_

_"What makes you say that, Master? Was it the eyes?"_

_"You're surprisingly...chipper for someone of that kind of class."_

~?

**Rise and Shine**

_What is an Avenger?_

_"A person who exacts punishment or inflicts harm in return for an injury or wrong."_

_ That much is indeed true. _

_If one were to look the definition up in a dictionary, they would find as much. Be it vengeance in word or deed, that is the truth of an Avenger. Someone who exacts revenge for misdeeds, perceived or otherwise. Innocent or guilty.__ An avenger isn't necessarily evil, but neither can they be called wholly good either. __I took no pleasure in the lives I took, the battles I fought...they were necessary.__ Not light, nor dark__...but grey._

_I don't know what to do with grey._

_By the aforementioned logic, one could say I've avenged many. My parents. My family. My friends. In the eyes of the people I was their savior, yet also an avenger. Someone who helped to right a great wrong against the world. A young man who sealed away a goddess and thwarted a plot centuries in the making. A boy who revealed the truth to the world, knowing full well what it would cost him. An ignorant fool who, when the chips were down, went back on his word and killed his friend to survive. A coward,__ content to fade away into quiet anonymity._

_But the truth is always stranger than fiction __and fare rarely leaves us happy, I find._

_In killing Sasuke on that fateful day I unknowingly cemented my name into legend. No one cursed me for it. No one blamed me for taking his life. Not even Sakura. I almost wish she had. But she didn't. Instead the world showered praise and accolades upon me and made me Hokage. They **forgave** me, as if a few words could simply wash away what I'd done._

_"Its not your fault." _

_"You did what you had to." _

_"He was too far gone to save." _

_Its almost ironic, in a bitter way. The world may forgive me for what I've done. __But I'll never forgive myself. How can I? I went back on my word and prospered for it. Broke my solemn vow. What kind of man does that make me? Sakura loved him. Yet scarcely three years down the road, I eventually found myself married to her. With a daughter no less. In the end I outlived them both, and all the children and grandchildren that came after them. I survived them all, the village, the ruin that came after...all of it. An endless cycle of years, stretching on into eternity._

_Did the war change me somehow? Or perhaps it was Kaguya. I'm not sure anymore._

_So long as humanity remains, I suspect I'll still live on, unable to die._

_So I choose to smile, ever searching for a second chance..._

_...a chance to right the wrongs of the past..._

_...to mend my many mistakes..._

_...that...is my sole wish..._

**_...and I will have it._**

* * *

_(...0o0o0...)_

* * *

_Could light be black?_

Surely it must be so, for there could be no other description for this.

Ritsuka Fujimaru wondered if that were possible as the golden card danced in his peripherals, skittering with rainbow sparks. The young man recognized it as an Avenger at once_-this was hardly his first rodeo by now-_and inwardly steeled himself against the inevitable explosion that would follow. He'd had enough experience with Alters and Avengers these days to know that the latter could be infamously short-tempered when provoked, if not made outright hostile by the circumstances of their summoning. A particularly...volatile example stood out in his mind in that regard.

_**"Oh, what fresh hell is this?!"**_ a harsh, irritated growl greeted him through the fading light. _**"**_**Avenger?! Really?! Why not an Archer?! Who's responsible for this farce?!"**

Even as Gudao took his hand from the lever and squinted into waning radiance of the summoning chamber he realized he'd made a blunder. Maybe he should've granted Mashu's request after all. He felt the sudden and powerful urge to cower behind her shield when greeted by that less-than-pleasant voice. Perhaps he should step back before_-too late. _Oh, dear.

Three swift steps carried the new Servant out of the haze into daylight in a blur of blackened gold. He didn't _feel _like an Alter, but certainly held the appearance of one. Golden eyes the color of poisoned honey glared back at him, scrutinizing him, judging him, all but assessing his worth.

All at once they narrowed.

**"Wait...**

Something in the young Master faltered as the full weight of that frigid gaze settled upon him.

_Despair._

It rose from the Servant in palpable waves, choking, cloying, an oppressive aura of bottom guilt and grief. Here stood someone whose legend had been irreparably warped by one bad decision, a soul steeped in corruption yet grinning in bold defiance of it. A bleak pall seemed to hang over him-darker than the cloak he wore-but still those whiskered cheeks dimpled in a small sardonic smile. It felt fake. As though he were actively putting on an act in an attempt to conceal his earlier outburst.

**"You, there."** the Servant tilted his head, considering.** "Did you summon me?"**

Despite his concern Chaldea's last Master nodded.

For a brief moment Gudao glimpsed tattered orange and black rags hidden beneath a dark cloak. A faded headband bound by worn black cloth hung around the newcomer's neck, its symbol smooth and worn near-invisible by time. It made no sense. Servants were summoned in the prime of their life. At their physical peak. Yet everything about this one was...scruffy. Even his care-worn smile seemed battered and tattered, yet his shoulders still radiated a stubborn show of strength. All this transpired in the merest of moments.

Because in that precise sliver of a second, the new Servant surged forward and seized him by the collar.

**"How?"**

"How what?" Gudao croaked out.

**"How did you summon me?" **Avenger shot back, giving his shoulders a shake.** "It shouldn't be possible. Tell me! Now!"**

To his quiet dismay Fujimaru realized there was no anger in those golden orbs; only a quiet yearning, a burning desire to understand his situation, a poignant need to keen it was almost painful to behold. So he told him, well, everything. Slowly and carefully he raised his hands-while keeping them in full view of this twitchy Avenger!-Gudao relayed Chaldea's plight from the beginning; from the FATE system and the threat to humanity, to the singularities, even the own events of this very morning that lead to his summoning. All the while keeping it threadbare enough to keep the Servant's attention from wandering.

And at the last, Avenger released him and took a step back.

**...I believe you." **those keen golden orbs regarded him warily. **"You're no liar, at least, and it _would_ explain how I came to be here." **at this his expression turned pensive indeed and a gloved hand rose to thumb at a whiskered cheek.** "If the world ended that would mean I...died? But I don't remember dying...unless...no that doesn't make any sense...and my wish...**

With an exasperated hiss, the Servant flung himself into pacing and began muttering to himself. Gudao could only look on in utter disbelief as the once hostile entity darted back and forth, visibly descending into a fit of muttering and cursing beneath a veil of irritated hissing toward himself. Under any other circumstance he might've found it funny, were it not for the pained look etched into his craggy visage. Something was genuinely disturbing the young man, though he knew not what. Still, if this continued, who knew where it might lead...

"What do I call you, then?" he asked into the silence, words echoing hollowly. "Just Avenger?"

A spike of vicious killing intent stilled the words in his throat and nearly had Fujimaru ready a Command Spell before it was quickly stifled. When next those golden eyes found his they held no emotion-no, it wouldn't be a stretch to say that he'd gone so far as to suppress said emotion from emerging in the first place. He gazed into the void lurking behind those eyes, and the void gazed back.

...Naruto." the Servant croaked at last, forcibly halting and lowering his voice with an effort of will. "That will do for now. Please don't call me that again...Master."

At this silent relinquishing of authority, Fujimaru felt a modicum of control return to him...and more than a touch of internal relief. He would've hated to sever their contract after spending that many saint quartz to pull a new Servant. Blasted black keys. Even the idea of calling down one of the few Servants they had would've strained the FATE system beyond repair. Naruto was only the seventh such Servant to answers Chaldea's call; if he'd forced a fight they'd have still more repairs to attend to.

In the end, he settled for a limpid smile and offered his hand. "Well, I'm sure we'll be glad to have you. Could you at least _try _to get along with the others?"

Naruto blinked.

"Other? As in Servants?As in more than one? _How many are there?!"_

Gudao dared a small smile in the face of his confusion. "I'm sure you're confused. Would you like a tour? Anything to eat, perhaps, while you're brought to speed?"

A small, churlish expression wrinkled Avenger's nose quickly and abruptly, like a passing storm. It almost made him look boyish. Indeed, the sudden glint in those dead eyes made the young Master sweat.

It was almost as if something had suddenly snapped back to life in Avenger, though he knew not what it might be. Regardless, those great golden orbs were suddenly fixated on him with near frightful intensity. When that hand descended again it fell upon his shoulder like a great weight, a looming guillotine that promised pain if he didn't answer true. Or something much worse. Much worse. As such, Gudao found himself completely floored by the relatively innocent inquiry that followed:

_._..I don't suppose you have any Ramen?"

Ritsuka actually blinked at this inquiry. "What?"

_"Did I stutter, man?! Ramen! Do you have it or not?!"_

**A/N: BAHAHAHA! They said I wouldn't do it, but I did!**

**Naruto as an Alter/Avenger, but not at all the kind you'd expect. We're also going with the male Fujimaru in this route for obvious reasons. As to the pairing...well. One might thing that was obvious, but I'll keep my lips sealed for now. Madness and hilarity await!**

**Clearly this is going to be different from Not My Chaldea for several reasons, but I'll leave it to you to find them.**

**So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

**...Review Would You Kindly?**

**And enjoy the previews.**

**(Previews!)**

_"Catch."_

_"What are you-eep!"_

_To her credit, Saber caught the ball._

_Golden eyes narrowed upon him. "You do realize-_

_"This means war?" a ghastly grin flashed back at the alter. "Bring it!"_

* * *

_"Che, how annoying! And you call yourself an alter?! You're a disgrace!"_

_Much to Jeanne's annoyance, her fellow Avenger continued eating._

_"I'm sorry, did you say something?"_

* * *

_...not interested, missy."_

_"I wasn't asking for permission."_

_The spear swept his feet a heartbeat later._

**R&R~!**

**=D**


	2. What Goes Around

**A/N: WARNING!**

**If you haven't read A Most Unlikely Caster, you're going to be very confused. Then again, t****his chapter's meant to confuse you. Hope you like it. ****Hello one and all! REVIEWS FEED OUR ETERNAL ENGINE OF CREATION~! ****Once more, you don't have to; it just helps the words flow fast knowing that I've brightened someone's day.**

**Now onto your questions.**

**Q: How Many Servants Does Chaldea Have? Which Singularity Are We In?**

**A: As I said, Naruto is the seventh Servant summoned by Chaldea. Clearly, they're past the second and moving onto the third.**

**Q: Are the Most Unlikely stories connected? Oh let it be so! I've seen so many hints from you lately!**

**A: In short...yes. For example, I had to update A Most Unlikely Caster before this fic. You'll soon see why.**

**Q: Do the Servants know Naruto?**

**A: Aye, but this Naruto doesn't know them...yet.**

**I've said it before and I'll say it again, worlds are blurring together and will eventually collide down the line. Furthermore, several Servants receive "Memorial Essences" when a duplicate of themselves is summoned to Chaldea. GhostXavier came up with the idea first to my knowledge, and more power to 'em. In short, don't expect to find two of...lets say...Semiramis walking around. Certain Servants will show up later of course, but don't expect to see doubles walking about. That'd be odd.**

**But the Alters? No restrictions there.**

**Oh, this is going to be absolutely glorious~!**

**Q: When are we getting that Prisma Illya/Naruto crossover you promised?**

**A: ****Relax, the others stories in this series are coming, as are updates. I just proved that, didn't I?**

**A Most Unlikely Archer, A Most Unlikely Saber, A Most Unlikely Lancer. Then there's Ruler, Beast, Faker, Saver, etc. I could go on all day, but I won't. **

**As ever, Fragments of Chaldea is a glorious story and Xavier is a neverending font of inspiration.**

**Once again, I tip my hat to you, sir!**

**Finally, I own nothing!**

**No lines or quotes!**

**Nothing at all!**

**Zilch~!**

_"Who are you people?!"_

_~?_

**What Goes Around...**

So.

This was Chaldea.

All told, it wasn't what he'd expected.

The sound of footsteps echoed through bustling halls as Naruto supped gingerly at his meal, the world heaving with movement as he watched. Men and women scuttled to and fro like busy little ants swarming out of a hill, their order disturbed and replaced by chaos. Some gawped at the sight of him-or his piercing gaze-as they swept past but he saw no Servants among any of them. Pity. Try as he might to deny it, the tiniest spark of stray curiosity ignited in his chest all the same. Were there others like him? Other warriors ripped from their own time to be brought here?

What had his Master said? Something about him being the Seventh such Servant?

Perhaps that was ironic, given his title in life. Perhaps not. Perhaps he was simply overthinking things.

No, it merely meant there were six others he'd have to deal with. Live with. Tolerate. Try not to kill. Surely it couldn't be that bad.

Sipping softly, he fought down a grimace as the burning broth scalded his throat. He didn't much mind the pain. It kept him focused. For a one so freshly summoned-indeed, a man who cursed his very existence-the idea of defending humanity should've been an alien one. But something in his heart must've longed for it, else he never would've answered the summons in the first place.

"So why am I here?" he wondered aloud, tapping his chopsticks against the table.

No one answered him and with a long-suffering sigh, Avenger set to work on another bowl.

There was even talking of recruiting another Master; some girl with sun-kissed hair and bright golden eyes. He'd glimpsed her in the halls shortly after his arrival. A giant had lumbered silently in her wake but she seemed almost comfortable in its presence. The tale of Beauty and the Beast sprang to his mind, drawing a rueful smile to his lips. Gabrielle, Gudao had called her. His twin. Naruto hadn't paid much attention to her or the rumors beyond that, instead preferring to keep to himself and far, _far _away from the girl and her ashen-skinned behemoth. Something about that one seemed almost...familiar.

Bah, probably nothing.

When he inhaled through his nose again he caught the faded scent of smoke and fire, glimpsed the damage done to the walls, and a part of him wondered what happened. There had been tragedy here, destruction and death. Yet rather than succumb to despair, the men and women here yet held fast, they even remained optimistic despite their initial defeat. There was talk of a "Third Singularity" constructing a bar, tunneling deeper into the mountain to build new quarters for arriving Servants, even a library. His keen ears caught it all and he almost caught himself smiling at their boundless enthusiasm.

But more than that...he finally had his ramen.

Naruto had zeroed in on the cafeteria with single-minded intensity the moment Fujimaru mentioned it, and he hadn't budged since. Servants didn't need to eat in the traditional sense, but food was still as pleasing to them as it was to others, and he'd happily indulged. That was...what, an hour ago? Who knew? The young Master had even been kind enough to provide him with a small stress ball before departing, his left hand idly squeezing it as he continued to indulge in his meal. For a time, he was content. Happy even.

_And then someone had to ruin it._

The unlikely Avenger felt the rapidly approaching presence of a Servant long before he saw them; as such he resolved to ignore them in favor of his dinner. With that resolution he was still quite prepared for the chaos that came barging through the door.

_**"CASTER!"**_

A woman's enraged roar burst in Naruto's ears and instinct seized control of his limbs like the strings of an old puppet-master-urging him to duck just as a metal table whizzed over his head. Denied its target, the broken table caromed harmlessly off a wall and clattered into a corner. Naruto never released his chopsticks; for those very same sticks snapped upward and caught an armored fist mere moments before it could render his face a pulpy red mass on the floor. A mere tug released his would-be attacker to send them sprawling past him into the floor with a plume of smoke and dust.

He had, not once, looked at them.

"I'm no Caster." he spoke into the sullen silence as his attacker crawled out of the crater he'd lobbed them into, "Can I help you?"

Scarce had he spoken than a shadow loomed large over him and a mailed fist dented the table, missing his bowl only through divine intervention. Here at last he deigned to glance at his challenger, only to find a pair of unfathomable golden eyes unlike his own gazing back at him. A fair face framed by flaxen hair, body wreathed in dark armor, a jet black sword clutched in her right hand. Saber. The name sprang to his mind unbidden, bringing with it another faint hint of nostalgia and an odd snatch of memory. That same face, grinning down at him. He blinked and it was gone, replaced by a scowl. What in blazes was going on here?

_"Help?"_ the word was a hiss when she leaned over the table to glower at him, her words strangely archaically pleasing to his ears as she bombarded him with questions. "What drivel is this? Why did you not seek me out when you arrived? Why do you disguise yourself so? Are you going to play coy, Caster? Answer me!"

A bead of sweat ran down the blond's brow as her gaze bored into his.

Perhaps he should've thought of something clever to say.

Instead he managed only a lame:

...eh?"

Wrong answer.

Saber moved to grab him and he batted her hand away with the chopsticks as if she were naught but a naughty child. He rather liked the expression she wore. Perhaps it had something to do with his class, but he rather liked watching her squirm. So he when she reached for him a second time, he did it again. A muscle jumped in Saber's jaw when she found a second attempt similarly forestalled. Followed by a third. A fourth. And a fifth. Each time she attempted to apprehend the villain before she found her palms gently swatted away with supernatural ease. After the ninth such attempt a muscle jumped in her jaw and she slugged him.

"CEASE!"

"Aw, but I was having fun~!" his head tilted to regard her petulant pout as he caught the blow anew. "You're surprisingly fun to tease, you know."

He saw something flash in those golden eyes of hers and realized his mistake too late.

This time the strange Saber actually managed to grab him before he could deflect her. Her fingers closed around the collar of his jacket and hauled him forward, shaking his body and causing him to inhale sharply. Oddly enough, he'd expected her to smell like ash. Blood and battle. Incredulous, he found no such thing. A faint scent of lavender and seared boar wafted from her. He balked at her, realizing her hair was actually damp upon closer inspection. Had she been taking a shower or something? Another rush of familiarity, one he shoved away with a growl.

"When I heard you had arrived, I hastened here with all speed." Saber growled right back and swept him across the table to scatter his meal, all the while tightening her grasp on him. "Do you have any idea what you did to me?!"

Her actions turned his good mood to ash.

"I do not." a touch of irritation entered his words as she hoisted him into the air. "But you're going to tell me, aren't you? That's what you knightly types do, isn't it?_ Talk."_

Her mouth jerked open to refute such a claim and his free hand flung the stress ball-still clutched in his off hand-at her face, drawing a brief flinch from the tyrant. In that brief moment of confusion his hand shot out like a viper and struck her dead in the throat, leaving her to reel and gasp. Her grip slackened and he wriggled free. That was all it took for him to draw in a thread of energy and rush her in a black blitz of fury, mercilessly using fists and knees alike against her, raining blows down on the unarmored and armored parts of her body until she collapsed beneath him in a groaning heap.

"I am so very _sick_ of talking." dusting himself off he spat upon the floor and turned his back on her. "I don't know who you think this "Caster" is, but I'm not him."

Lamenting the loss of his meal, he spun on a heel and shove both hands into his pockets, intent to leave this confusing girl behind. Why did her words irritate him so damn much? He couldn't put his finger on the pulse of the matter, couldn't find the source of this rampant unease and that only riled him all the more. Forget the ramen. He needed to leave, walk the halls and forget. Damnit. He'd been in such a good mood too-

"Naruto. That's your name, isn't it?"

He made it all of three steps before she seized his ankle.

The blond froze, his back shooting ramrod straight as she called out to him.

"Hey! Lemme go! What did you just-

"You _humiliated_ me," his fellow Alter spoke slowly even when he shook himself free, drawing each word out with poisonous grace as she massaged her no-doubt-aching throat and stumbled to her feet. "Bested me on the field of battle during the Fifth Holy Grail War. I haven't forgotten. You offered me friendship and I spat your face."

Avenger had no inkling of any such battle beyond that vague, needling sense of nostalgia. He'd never seen this woman-this Saber Alter-before in his life. Of that much he was certain. She spoke of someone else; because he would never, _ever _do something like that. Not anymore. Not for a very long time now. Not since...no, he refused to think of those times. Anyone who made him do so would sorely regret it. This wasn't the experience he had expected when he'd come to Chaldea. It would be wise to just cut the contract now and leave.

But that flash of anger was long gone from Saber's gaze now, dulled to a dangerous glow. "I wanted to die, and you beat that fool notion out of my head. Do you remember?"

Naruto really didn't, and almost felt lesser for it.

The way this woman spoke of him; it shouldn't have been possible. They were words he would've said once, things he might've done before he became this thing, but he had no recollection of them. None. Never. Had she confused him for someone else? She must have. Unless he had a doppelganger roaming about. The thought was wild, almost incredulous, yet it chilled his blood all the same. In theory, he could be summoned as another class due to his wide range of ability and skill, but to have _another_ iteration taking place in _another_ war...

That was impossible.

Wasn't it?

_'No..._

"You're not him, are you?" she stepped back as though he'd struck her. "I see it now. Your eyes. Your face." her golden gaze flitted about him curiously. "The way you hold yourself." Ah. And there it was now. "They are no illusion." Pity. He saw it in her eyes and it galled him more than words ever could. "What happened to you, Caster? When did you fall so low?"

Something snapped deep inside the ancient warrior.

Of all the accusations. Of all the gall...!

_**"I AM NOT CASTER!"**_

An ugly spark of rage coiled deep within him and he clamped down on his wrath before his eyes could change. She had no right to ask that. No right to know what he'd been through; the broken vow that continued to eat away at him even now. It was the purest of poisons, slow and painful rotting him from the inside out. Perhaps his wish would rid him of it and grant him the oblivion he sought; erase this existence and replace it with one where his past didn't gnaw his bones. Mayhaps, had he known the bitter irony of that wish-then he might have laughed. As it stood he only glowered.

"I am not Caster." the words were a rumble, the very earth rattling underfoot as his hands curled into fists. "I will never _be _Caster. So stop calling me that unless you want to lose an arm!"

Still, the young woman before him didn't flinch; on the contrary, Saber she took his warped words on the chin and merely lifted her head in defiance of them, as a king should. Rather than scorn, she continued to gaze at him with that damnable look in her eye. Continued to pity him despite all his shouts and threats. His good mood was truly gone now, slithering out of his grasp even as he tried to retreat. No sooner had the thought taken root in his mind than she moved to bar the door with her body.

_"Move."_

She did not.

...what is your class, then?" the armored tyrant demanded suddenly. "What do you wish for?"

Stung by this remark, Naruto bristled like a scalded kitsune and tore his gaze away.

"That's none of your concern, Saber." he spoke quickly, trying to deflect-

"You're an Avenger." It was not a question, but a gasp. "Like Jeanne."

Pity turned to outright sorrow in her gaze. His legend _howled_ at him in the chorus of a thousand voices as he clutched at his head, mental pollution and madness enhancement shrieking like the wails of the damned in his ear with every waking moment. _Stop stop stop! Shut up! You're ruining everything! Kill her! Kill her now! Vengeance! She knows nothing! Kill her for her lies!_

"Stop!" he snarled, storming away, "Stop looking at me like that!"

"Is that it, then? Do you want to die?" the alter stepped after him in challenge as he continued to rant and rage, taking the suddenly clumsy punch on her armored chest when he lashed out at her, heedless of his sudden fury. "To rid yourself of this miserable existence? How sad. How pitiful." his eyes flashed as he tried to sweep her legs, but she bulled and bounded over him in spite of the vile retort already building in the back of his throat. "I once desired the same thing...until someone relieved me of that fool notion. Now you sink to the same depths over some perceived slight or mistake? I thought you better than this, Naruto!"

His head snapped up and she struck him full on the face; with so much wroth polluting his speed and grace, he found himself helpless to even attempt a dodge.

It was a very good backhand Saber mused; she would later look back on it with pride. A single smack sent the belligerent blond spinning backward and into a wall, eyes rolling in his head. By the time he'd recovered his wits enough to begin picking himself up, she had already maneuvered her body to block him into the corner; the better to prevent escape on his part. The roaring, furious look in his eye, that reminded her of one she'd worn so long ago in another war, against a different Servant.

One with the same face but bluer eyes and a brighter smile.

That young man had taught her a great truth; one she would endeavor to teach this one. One needn't be alone in the world. This same fundamental truth applied to Servants and humans alike. So long as one knew that others were there for them, that others, cared, they would yet find a reason to live. And gods damnit, she was determined to give him one. The agony in his eyes was terribly poignant, almost painfully so.

"Yes," she declared stoically, rooting him in place with her words. "You are not the one I knew. You are suffering far more than he ever did. However!"

She stepped forward.

"Very well," she repeated, and a strange, husky note entered her voice. "I will do for you what he once did for me."

Then she pressed her lips to his.

_"I will save you."_

Her lips were surprisingly warm in spite of her cold words, gently caging his mouth between hers. Naruto stiffened, but made no effort to escape her, nor the sudden embrace that followed. He was far too agitated and otherwise crazed to mount an effective assault, only slumping against her as she held him.

She would be his sword.

She would be his shield against his foes.

She would be all he needed and more. So she swore.

**A/N: Well! **

**There we go.**

**Jeanne Alter and Scathach bits next chapter; it just felt right to focus on Saber Alter here more than most.**

**Recall that Naruto is only the SEVENTH Servant summoned by Chaldea thus far. **

**Saber Alter was the first-how ironic-and Jeanne Alter was the fifth, and the third is hinted.**

**I won't name the others just yet, but we seem to have a little Alter clique forming now, don't we?**

**As far as Singularities go, the first and second have obviously been cleared, but there's less of a restriction on summoning Servants here. Clearly some Servants remember "Naruto" from another war and such; which means chaos all but ensues.**

**So In the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

**...Review, Would You Kindly?**

**And enjoy the previews!**

**Potential ones at that!**

**(Previews)**

_Countless questions clamored across his skull._

_In the end he only gave voice to one._

_...that's not fair at all!"_

* * *

_Well._

_That spear hurt. _

_It really, really, REALLY hurt._

_Face with imminent peril, Avenger chose wisely._

_He turned and fled from Scathach with all the speed of a demon. "RUN AWAAAAAAAAY~!"_

* * *

_"Miiiiiiiiiine~!"_

* * *

_Naruto's head snapped forward as a tan palm collided with the back of his skull._

_"Hoy! Whiskers, is that you? I thought you looked familiar! Look at you! You're quite a sight!"_

_"What the hell did you hit me for, runt?!" he groaned, massaging the rising welt there. __"I don't even know who you are!"_

_"Aw, you don't remember?" Kuro grinned, swaying back and forth on her feet. "Don't worry, you will~!"_

* * *

_"Bow before your king, mongrel."_

_Avenger was silent for a long, ponderous moment._

_"I have only ever bowed to one. And you...are not him."_

_Then he reared back like a snake and slapped Gilgamesh across the face._

_The sound rippled across Chaldea like a shockwave; all eyes turned towards them._

**R&R~!**


	3. Dancing with thy Devil

**A/N: *EDIT***

**No reviews for this chapter, eh?**

** Ouch...that makes me sad...**

**WARNING!**

**This chapter has...themes. So you've been warned.**

**What's this?! Neon updated another story?! Is the apocalypse nigh?!**

***bawls happily***

**YOU GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUYS!**

**Oh you magnificent glorious bastards, I don't' deserve you! You're the best! You know what you did! Thank you, thank you, thank youuuuuuuuuu! I don't know what I'd do without you and your kind words; the reviews are wind beneath my wings, they are life and happiness and keep me writing. ****As for the detractors...hmm. I suppose its time I addressed them.**

**Didn't I say that I had aplan for this series?**

**Instead I hobbled home from a double shift to get slapped with spam and such. Someone called it "over-saturation" but the truth is, I'm building a universe here. Rome wasn't built in a day-despite what Nero might say-but there won't be many more new stories if I have my way.**

**Now, then.**

**Lets address Berserker and Caster.**

**I haven't updated these two yet because the chapters. Are. LONG! We're talking an excess of ten thousand words and I want them to be just right! I'm not going to push out shoddy and rushed work, certainly not for those two! Don't even get me started on the sheer craziness of Avenger, Archer and others.**

**I've updated Saber, Lancer, Card, Rider, Master, Avenger, Collection-not to mention other genre-in the last few weeks and this is the thanks I get? Bah!**

**But since some people insist on spitting and cursing me at every opportunity...well!**

**Here. Another update. Out of spite for the trolls. Enjoy it. Have at ye.**

**Reviews are love. Reviews are life. Reviews make me strive.**

**References are glorious and I own nothing~!**

**Saber Alter is best Saber. Fight meeee~!**

**Fight scene coming up, so brace!**

_"You know, when I see my other selves..._

_...I'm going to punch them."_

~?

**Dance with the Devil**

_"Thanks for playing with me today, Big Brother~!"_

A muscle jumped in Naruto's jaw as a soft, lilting voice bid goodbye to his back. Mental pollution and madness enhancement clawed at him like an infernal beast as he stalked out into the storm, strangling the words he wanted to say in his throat. He was going to snap at her if he opened his mouth, or worse. Anymore of this and his head was absolutely going to break in half. If he opened his mouth now he was going to say something horrible to her, terrible, horrible thing that he wouldn't be able to take back. So he didn't speak. Didn't even deign to look back until he was certain he could trust himself to look.

In the end, he contended himself with a wave as Nursery Rhyme skipped back into the safety of Chaldea's warm embrace.

_This just wasn't his day._

Scratch that, this just wasn't his life!

Chaldea didn't have more than a handful of combat-capable Servants on hand as of yet, but more seemed to arrive every day. What had once been seven had nearly doubled in number in the last week. The little Caster he'd just finished escorting had been Chaldea's newest arrival. Worse, she _knew _him. An incarnation _of _him at any rate. Against his will, he'd wound up spending the better part of the day keeping an eye on her, lest she cause mischief. He hadn't even received a proper Memorial Essence yet, but the memories of some still haunted him. Not his thoughts. Not his dreams.

_Damnitall_ he didn't even know the kid. But he'd made her cry.

The memory of this morning jabbed him painfully:

_...Rider? Big brother?"_

_"I ain't never seen you before, kid."_

_Nursery Rhyme wavered in place, eyes wide._

_Her lower lip trembled traitorously as he looked on._

_No. She wouldn't dare. __"B-B-But you promised me...you promised..._

_She was gonna. He saw the tears gather in her eyes a heartbeat too late._

_"Hey?!" He'd sworn aloud as she burst into miserable sobs. "No no no! Don't cry! I'm sorry!"_

Countless questions clamored throughout his skull like mad insects as he climbed the snowy hill, boots digging through the drifts as he neared his final destination. Bitterly cold wind lashed at his face with every step but he scarcely noticed, consumed with his thoughts a she was. Who the hell was Rider? What did he have to do with Nursery Rhyme? Bad enough that he'd been mistaken for someone else upon his arrival, but there had been yet another incident with a woman named Koyuki. He'd been avoiding that one ever since. Something in his soul reflexively _flinched _whenever he saw her, and she him.

In the end Avenger's frustration finally got the better of him. His heel shot out, obliterating a nearby drift.

...crying like that, that's not fair at all. How do you fight tears? S'not fair...

Sure enough, she was waiting for him as he reached the summit.

Artoria's ebony armor made her impossible to miss amidst the swirling drifts; even as the wind howled and lashed at his he could see her clear as day. Wordlessly, she raised her sword and unleashed her Noble Phantasm; not at him, but into the very heavens themselves. Excalibur unleashed its mournful wail in a beam of pure destruction, slaying the storm as surely as if it were a dragon. A brief flare of her sword's true form was all it took to banish the raging blizzard and clear the night sky for them. Huh. The stars were out in force tonight, it seemed.

"Showoff." he groused.

She merely favored him with a wan smile. "I didn't think you'd come."

A hot flush colored his cheeks. "Yeah, well...the brat kept me busy. Not my fault."

That smile shrank a fraction of an inch, though he knew not why. "Good." It was a decree.

"Good?!"

"You need to step out of your comfort zone more often." Those golden eyes so eerily alike his own narrowed. "You'll never improve as a person if you don't try new things."

He scuffed his boot against the snow. "I'm...trying alright? You can't expect me to change overnight. Its not gonna work like that."

"Is that not why we are here?" her sword swung into a ready stance.

He almost found himself mirroring it. "Fair enough."

Most Servants came up here to spar, where they could do little harm beyond the occasional avalanche. Even the Berserkers could rampage up here without fear; any damage done to the mountainside would eventually be repaired by the Caster Corps come morning. Heracles and Spartacus had done a number on it once already.

But _this_ was not a spar; this was a battle.

An act of life and death.

This was theirs.

For whatever reason Saber had chosen him. He wanted to prove himself worthy of that trust.

Even after she'd kissed him a week ago, Artoria Pendragon baffled him to no end. Instead of keeping her distance like any _sane _individual would do, his fellow Alter had begun to follow him. Nothing so overt as stalking; rather, Saber followed him like a shadow. Not always seen, but ever present regardless, whether he liked it or not. She'd even dragged her cot into his quarters-against his protests!-and demanded that he cook for her. She forced him to think, to interact, to exist outside the shadowy sphere of his own thoughts. He was grateful for that much, but moreso for_ this._

Now, to be fair, Naruto liked many things about Chaldea.

He enjoyed her food, which, frankly, had improved markedly in the last few days.

He enjoyed climbing the towering mountains that protected her, scaling their mighty peaks.

But this, _this_ was his favorite.

Saber fought like no one else; in strength alone she was nearly unmatched. Whenever she fought him, Naruto found he had to _think. _No same strategy worked on her twice. He'd had to get inventive, and she still cleaned his clock every time. Moreover, she distracted him. If he was fighting he wouldn't think about his past. If he wasn't thinking about his past-or all these other incarnations that he wanted to clobber-he could just be himself and do as he pleased. He was even considering a few pranks. When was the last time he'd done one of _those?_

When she moved to circle him, he did the same.

Her pale face granted him a small smile as the gap shrank between them. "I heard you made Nursery Rhyme cry this morning. Making it up to her, were you?"

Gah. She always saw right through him.

A jagged kunai slipped from his sleeve and smacked into his palm.

"Not my fault everyone's so damn clingy." he muttered into his sleeve to hide the words. "They all want me to be someone I'm not, you know?"

"Don't be, then." she said.

Naruto stuck out his tongue.

"Oh, its that simple is it, your majesty?"

She swatted him on the head, drawing an annoyed hiss. "Ow! The hell was that for?!"

"Don't be Caster." her words were sharp, almost biting. "Don't be Berserker. Don't be an Exile. Be you."

That was why he liked her. Artoria didn't see the others when she looked at him. She saw him for him, and him alone.

On some level he understood that his Caster incarnation was to blame for this; their rapport had only been established because the latter had slain Saber in battle. At least, he assumed he had. Hadn't he? He must have; if only because nothing else made sense. If he hadn't killed Artoria, then how was she here? Had he purified her someone? Reduced or replaced her with a weaker incarnation, which thereby resulted in her being summoned by Chaldea in the first place? It begged a question but he ignored it, stuffing the inquiry into the back of his mind where it slowly smothered away.

Regardless, it didn't change the fact that she'd sworn herself to him, not Caster.

...I really don't deserve you."

"No." she sniffed imperiously, unable to keep the smile from her face. "You do not. I will accept meals as your tribute."

Then she tried to stab him.

"I-_hey!" _Naruto flounced away, arms pinwheeling._ "No fair! _I wasn't ready!"

"All's fair in love and war, Avenger!"

When she struck out again he leaped over the swipe, only for a mailed fist to crash into his face. He rode the blow out and seized her arm in retaliation, flinging her over his shoulder at an explosive speed. And if she just happened to collide with a drift...well. Happy coincidence.

"Point for me!"

A retaliatory mana burst flattened him into the snow.

...you do realize," he ground out against a mouthful of wet powder, "This means war."

Excalibur flicked out at his face with a mournful howl. "Then, as King, I shall repel your invasion! Come!"

In a bolt of black smoke he surged forward and cut out at her legs. Excalibur interposed itself between him and her heel.

He blurred and she followed, their bodies striking at impossible angles, counters and feints flowing into a mad dance that few could match.

Saber worked him through the motions as she always did, yet fought with just as much if not more ferocity than him. Slowly at first, but with steadily increasing speed and savagery, she set the pace and beat his harried offense back. He welcomed her wrath wholeheartedly and fought back in equal measure. This was his way of bleeding out the tension brought on by his mental pollution and madness enhancement. It had proven...rather effective.

He chambered a kick and she caught it against the flat of Excalibur's blackened edge, forcing him to use that very leg to bound away lest he be disemboweled.

She'd do it, too. Last time he'd had to reattach an arm.

Say what you would about her eating habits, but Artoria was a _fierce_ fighter.

Artoria bounded after him with a low chuckle, one that warped into a sudden and exultant laugh-one he shared-as he snapped up and sprung off his hand. Twin boots crashed into her chest, eliciting a grunt from the stoic king as her foul armor buckled beneath the blow. Rather than delay, she simply tore the offending pauldron aside and leaped at him anew.

Nothing short of a fatal blow to the head or heart would stop either of them, and each Alter held back _just _enough to prevent death.

This time, when Saber reached him, Naruto was more than ready.

Naruto spat blood as her Mana Burst sheared through his armor, but too late.

Excalibur slashed at him like a shadow; rather than evade he simply reached out with his right hand and seized the burning blade by its edge. Pain spiked down the length of his arm as the roaring prana overtook him, but he shunted the pain aside and twisted his wrist to reel her in even as his limb imploded from within. He grinned in spite of the pain, a victorious roar tearing from his throat.

_He had her._

Victory was finally his.

One swift tug was all it took to entrap Saber in his arms.

Artoria must've taken that as the cue to disengage their duel; rather than impale him as she'd done prior, her body went slack in his grasp. Her armor soon followed, banished in a swirl of dark light to leave her clad in her dark gown as she tucked her head into his chest. Without thinking, Naruto inhaled, drawing the frigid air into his lungs, but also her scent-warmsoftmine-as her own arms closed around his waist.

"Does that count as a win?"

Golden eyes flicked to his mangled limb.

"Your poor arm. I thought I told you suicidal tactics were prohibited."

"To be fair, I'll heal, so it really doesn't count as a self-sacrificing strategy at all-

"Prohibited." she swatted him on the nose before he could argue. Gods, she really did love that word.

"You can't keep tossing that word around like that," Naruto sighed, "It starts to get old after awhile, you know?"

A dangerous light flashed in her eyes.

"How about this, then?"

She gave him a light shove. Unfortunately, Saber's idea of "light" was pretty damn forceful by half. Breath burst from Naruto's lungs, causing him to squawk like a parrot as he toppled backward into a drift. Saber followed him down, riding his body with her own. Warm lips closed around his own as she kissed him fiercely, her slender curves pressing against him through his armor, chasing the chill from his bones. His pulse quickened despite the cold ground against his back and he caught himself returning the kiss with equal fervor before sense reasserted itself.

"Er...Saber?"

"Yes?" she didn't stop kissing him.

"I hardly think this is the time or the place-

She let the straps of her dress fall, exposing her bare breasts.

...why was he protesting this again? Why was he arguing at _all,_ for that matter?

_"Wellokaythen!"_

* * *

_(...Minutes Later...)_

* * *

A quick cool down lap saw them within the halls of Chaldea once more.

"I can't believe we did that." Naruto grumbled, dusting himself off. "I'm going to have snow in all sorts of places."

Artoria preened, resting her head against his shoulder as they walked. "Why, whatever do you mean? I have no recollection of what you speak, Avenger."

_'Cheeky girl!'_

A small part of him longed to call her on her bluff, but thought better of it; if only because it would make her angry. Fine, let her preen. It wasn't as if this changed anything; they'd been intimate a time or two before this, but Artoria had surprised him all the same. He really had trouble reading her these days. Her whims were as fickle as the wind, the one constant in her life was her insatiable appetite for food and...other aspects of life. If she wanted to cuddle with you, then gods be damned, you were going to _be_ cuddled. You had _no _say in the matter.

Passing a stray Servant, he paused just long enough to incline his head as he held the door open for them.

"Such a gentleman." Da Vinci hummed, scooting past the two of them. "Don't forget now, you have an appointment tomorrow."

Naruto grimaced at the reminder. "Do you have to? I feel fine, there's really no need for a checkup, right?"

Her wand swatted him on the cheek. "No! We have to make sure your Saint Graph is stable!"

"I collapsed _one time!"_

"Don't make me call Heracles again." her brow grew stormy.

Naruto's face turned ashen at the reminder. On his arm he felt Saber stiffen, and plant a hand over her mouth to stifle a small smile. Traitor! She knew how much he hated being manhandled! Honestly, how did you argue with a creature made of pure muscle and rage? The answer was quite simple. You didn't. You didn't argue with Da Vinci, either. Honestly, the girl was entirely too willful and stubborn by half; even if she was concerned for the state of his body, she certainly had strange ways of expressing it...

"Alright, alright!" he groused, conceding the point. "Do whatever you want."

Da Vinci chirruped happily. "I will~! See you tomorrow, Avenger!"

Naruto swatted her shoulder and she bounced away.

"Just for that, you're getting an extra shot~!"

_"Hey!"_

"See?" Saber giggled. "You _can _be nice when you want."

Damnit. Naruto settled for a small sigh.

Bloody girls. He just couldn't win.

...that's just not fair."

In the end they gravitated toward the cafeteria; Naruto wasn't quite sure why, only that they did. He wasn't feeling particularly hungry. Saber seemed to be, judging by the way her eyes lit up at the smorgasbord laid out before them.

By comparison to his last visit, the once empty chamber now teemed with life. Its bland white walls had been painted over with a seamless red, which in turn caught the eye. He even spied a handful of Servants scattered about the Chaldean employees.

Given a few months, this place would be thriving.

He glimpsed the stoic form of Heracles, Nursery Rhyme perched contentedly upon her shoulders.

There was Jeanne by her lonesome again; though their fellow Alter perked up the moment she saw them.

"Hey, lovebirds!" she called. "Over here!"

Naruto turned scarlet.

More had gathered since he'd been here last, newcomers and veterans all. He hadn't met many of them; one might even say he'd gone out of his way to avoid them. They weren't exactly the center of attention, but they certainly didn't escape notice either. Jeanne's shout only made it worse. Saber paid no attention to any of them as they grabbed their trays. None whatsoever. Her target was already well in sight. Victory was all but hers, her conquest assured. No sooner had she seen the food than she shot across the room like an arrow loosed from a bow.

When she returned, her tray was piled high with treats, a strange hodgepodge that one couldn't even begin to describe.

"Ah, yes. Food. Your one true love. How could I forget."

She elbowed him. "What did you want?"

"Have at it." he reassured her. "I'll wait here-

"Ho?" a new voice interjected before she could speak. "So we meet at last, mongrel."

Naruto's tray nearly shattered in his grasp. Hmm. That would've been a preferable alternative to dealing with this uppity bastard. He'd been warned about him. Every new Servant was given the same warning, told to stay out of his way or, at worst, wait for a Master if provoked. Beside him, Saber groaned and briefly buried her head into her hands.

He'd been avoiding this day for ages.

He'd been doing such a good job of it, too...!

Clad in resplendent golden armor, he was the picture of cruel poise and grace; handsome, yet also cold. Aloof, yet prideful. Generous, yet inherently vicious all the same.

_This, then, must be Gilgamesh._

Something in him tensed as the King of Heroes approached their table. He did not deign to sit with them. That would mark them as equals.

Instead he simply...stared.

"Ah." those keen red eyes flicked him up and down, "I see. I thought you to be Caster, but you are not him. A pity." his smile twitched. "I had thought to avenge myself upon the dog who plundered my vault and made off with one of my treasures. But I see my mistake now; you aren't even a shadow of your true self. A pity. I was almost interested in you. Still," a pair of golden portals bloomed at his back, "Perhaps I should kill you; if only to rid myself of your loathsome stench.

Artoria frowned. "Let us be, King of Heroes. We have no quarrel with you."

"Silence, Saber." those vicious red eyes cut to her with frightful intensity. "The King has not addressed you. Begone from my sight, lest you offend me further even further than you already have. I have no interest nor use for another's leavings."

To her credit, Artoria didn't so much as bat an eyelash at his vicious invective. She weathered the King's tirade with great aplomb. An outside observe would've recognized her self-assured attitude for what it was; as one who had endured such insults countless times in the past. She'd learned to live with them; learned that against the King of Heroes, silence was her greatest weapon. He couldn't get a rise out of her if she didn't grant him the opportunity. It was just that simple. As one of the first Servants of Chaldea, she knew this truth better than most.

Gilgamesh...was just someone you had to endure. Or avoid. Again, she knew this from sheer experience.

"Oi."

Not so Naruto.

A slow and ancient fury roused itself within him, like a wolf protecting part of its pack. He'd managed to leash it until now; hold it back even as it struggled and strained against its leash. But now? Now it broke free and all but bared its fangs in his face.

"Just where the hell," he began slowly, "Do you get off calling her that?"

"I am the King." Gilgamesh scoffed. "It is my right to judge those beneath me."

"Its alright, Avenger." Saber soothed, laying a hand on his arm. "His words mean nothing; I care not for them."

"Well they mean something to me!" just as quickly, he wriggled his way free to surge forward. "What's your deal, goldie?!"

"Ah, so you've laid claim to her, then?" heedless of the Alter's ever-mounting fury, the King of Uruk merely raised a golden brow. "Pity. I had thought you better than that."

All the world went silent.

"Why you little...?!"

"That's enough, King of heroes." someone snapped from a nearby table. "You're going too far."

Gilgamesh sneered. "Silence, faker. Perhaps if this dog bows before his king, he may yet receive mercy."

Avenger was silent for a long, ponderous moment.

"I have only ever bowed to one. And you...are not him."

He took one look at this arrogant ruler and made a snap decision.

Then he reared back like a snake and struck Gilgamesh right across the face.

It was a very good slap, or so Saber thought; for Naruto struck hard and fast, the sound of said strike rippled across Chaldea like a shockwave and turned all eyes towards them. Gilgamesh's head snapped to the side and jerked back thrice as fast as he stumbled back half a step. He showed no weakness, only stunned surprise. An armored arm rose slowly, touching his now dented cheek, but that shock was already warping into a wave of pure outrage, a tsunami of unholy wrath that would scour all before it.

Jeanne blinked. "Well. Shit."

Vlad swore softly. "That was...foolish."

Angra Mainyu just gaped. "Does he have a death wish?"

Mephistoles tilted his head. "A thousand ryou says he manages to get away."

Emiya crashed back with a laugh. "That's hell he's walking into...but its worth it! I'll take that bet!"

And all the while Gilgamesh just...stood there. Everyone knew the reprieve wouldn't last. A third golden portal erupted at his back. Then five. Seven. Nine. Twelve. One after the other, each swelling to fill the room with an absolute array of teeming saffron light. Yet he didn't attack. Sheer incredulity held him back. He'd never been struck before. The blond's blow had bypassed his passive defenses as if they weren't even _there _and that mute horror/anger was all that stayed his hand. Unfortunately, all that confusion was overshadowed by unyielding rage.

"You...dare?"

Naruto grinned.

Well. He'd dug his grave.

Might as well make himself comfortable.

Rounding on the still-stunned King, he reached out, plucked a tomato from Artoria's tray and-heedless of her yelp-smashed it against the King's face. Sure enough the ripe fruit didn't fail him; exploding on contact with his royal visage in a shower of ketchup. This time, someone laughed. He never was sure who.

"Some hero you are." He turned his head and spat on a golden boot. "What were you king of again? Ashes?"

"You unsightly little waste of SPACE-

A bowl of pudding slapped into Gil's back.

The King spun, searching for his attacker in the mess.

A sea of innocent faces gazed back at him, none moving an inch.

"Who dares?!" he roared! "I'll smite you! Skewer you! Stab you a thousand-

_Splat._

This time there could be no mistaking the intent; or perhaps Vlad was just a touch too slow to escape unnoticed. Regardless, the blueberry pie he'd thrown made quite the impression upon Gilgamesh's golden armor. The fact that the Lord Impaler's serene visage never once wavered in the face of the King's fury. Of course, Gilgamesh couldn't let that stand; rather than grab a sword he seized the first thing within arms reach-a banana-that was quite deliberately placed where he would grab it. Unfortunately, he underestimated his own grip. The poor fruit imploded from the force of his grasp, showering him further in foodstuffs.

"THIS MEANS WAR!"

Everyone bolted upright, seizing food.

Flipping him off, Naruto grabbed a watermelon.

And all the world erupted into golden light and food.

It was a food fight unlike any other, the greatest the world would ever see.

**A/N: Best. Food fight. Ever.**

**Ahhhhh, references, references for miles.**

**I don't own jaaaaaack, I'm just a penniless author.**

**BAHAHAHA! They said I wouldn't do it, but I did! There's your introduction to Avenger!**

**Naruto as an Alter/Avenger, but not at all the kind you'd expect. We're also going with the male Fujimaru in this route for obvious reasons. As to the pairing...well. One might thing that was obvious, but I'll keep my lips sealed for now. Madness and hilarity await! This chapter was such a blast to write, and I hope you all sincerely enjoy it. Now then, I'm off to work a double, looking forward to your reviews when I get back!**

**Clearly this is going to be different from Not My Chaldea for several reasons, but I'll leave it to you to find them.**

**So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

**...Review Would You Kindly?**

**Hop you enjoyed!**

**R&R~!**

**=D**


End file.
